Family Suicide – Processing Grief is Harder

The loss of a loved one always leaves deep pain and emptiness behind. Suicide, as a form of death, complicates the grieving process particularly. This tragedy not only brings loss but also triggers emotional reactions that are extremely difficult to cope with. Suicide is often a taboo subject, and due to social stigmatization, affected families frequently find themselves alone with their pain. Processing grief is a challenge that is much more complex than one might initially think, as the reasons behind the deceased’s decision, the unanswered questions, and the unspoken words all contribute to the difficulties.

The Emotional Challenges of Grieving Due to Suicide

Grieving due to suicide presents unique emotional challenges for the bereaved. Beyond the pain felt for the deceased, feelings of anger, guilt, and shame may also arise. Those affected are often angry at the deceased, as they question, “Why didn’t they fight on?” At the same time, they blame themselves, which further complicates the grieving process. The feeling of guilt, believing they could have saved the person, is also very present. During grief, shame may emerge, as many stigmatize suicide, and families fear what others will say about the events.

In some cases, a sense of relief may also surface, especially if the deceased had been suffering for a long time, causing constant worry for those around them. All these emotions, whether positive or negative, place a tremendous burden on the bereaved and often complicate moving forward.

The Difficulties of Saying Goodbye

One of the most painful aspects of the tragedy of suicide is that the bereaved often do not have the opportunity for a proper farewell. While the deceased may write a farewell letter, family members struggle with the feeling of incompleteness. This situation can be particularly hard if the suicide comes unexpectedly, leaving family members unprepared for the loss. Unresolved issues and unspoken words can torment the bereaved for years, who often feel isolated in their grief.

The circumstances of death are often unclear, which can cause further confusion in the emotional processing of family members. The belief in differing narratives, where some family members find various explanations, hinders collective mourning and support. As a result, many become withdrawn and are unable to share their pain with others.

The Impact of Suicide on Family Relationships

Suicide affects not only the deceased but the entire family, and its effects can be felt long-term. In genealogical research, the fact of suicide is important data, but it remains a taboo in many families. As a consequence of silence, the following generations often do not learn what actually happened, which places an emotional burden on them.

It is important to understand that it is not advisable to hide suicide from children. The burden of secrets is often unbearable, and family members who have to carry this weight suffer from the consequences of secrecy. The deceased, as part of the family system, deserves for children to be informed about the events in an age-appropriate manner. We can also inherit the traumas of our ancestors, which we may unconsciously carry forward, so it is crucial to speak openly about past events.

The Grieving Process and Moving Forward

Grieving is an individual process that is different for everyone. However, there are some suggested steps that can help the bereaved, especially those who have lost a loved one to suicide. Grief is not only about the deceased but also about the living who must continue to live and who must also cope with their pain.

It is important to recognize and accept all the feelings that may arise. Anger does not exclude love, and during the grieving process, it is natural for a mix of emotions to occur. Writing letters or using an empty chair technique can help the bereaved express their feelings. In the letter, they can honestly share what they feel, while the empty chair can facilitate personal conversations to process their pain.

The Role of Mental Health and Support

Mental illness often underlies suicide, causing severe suffering for the affected individual. Treating mental illnesses is much more complex than treating physical injuries, and seeking appropriate help can take time. Suicide is not a selfish decision but rather a consequence of illness, and it is important for family members to understand this.

The bereaved should be aware that alongside negative memories, positive experiences are also important. The joy of time spent with the deceased can aid in processing grief. Remembering experiences and preserving shared memories can be significant in the journey of moving forward.

Grief takes time, and everyone must find their own way to process it. Let us not forget that the living also need us, and it is important to gradually return to our normal lives. Seek help if necessary, and do not remain alone with our pain. In such situations, community and support can provide tremendous strength to the bereaved, assisting them on the path to healing.